Funny, or offensive?

note: a "cox" is the guy/gal yelling "row, row faster" at the front of a competitive row boat.

Angel: Did [you] know that Stephen Hawking used to be a cox for Oxford?!
Me: um, was his talking wheelchair water-proof?


Angel thought it was funny, but it can be seen as a mighty offensive comment against the handicapped. But, I mean, seriously, the man is an talking wheelchair, and his monotone computer voice couldn't galvanize anyone. How the hell was he a cox?

And Nick, if you make one comment about me talking about "cox," I will internationally smack the back of your head.

Pluto is so weak

Yeah, so Pluto is a planet no more. I'm pretty indifferent to this change, except that because of the decision, NASA give us one of the most awesome things I've ever seen:



So cool.

And check out that tiny-ness we call Earth. I mean, Jupiter makes us look like a pebble.

(if you want to see a bigger version of the picture, here's the link to NASA.)

Laguna Beach, what happen?

Dear MTV,

I hate you. You get me addicted to watching an assortment of spoiled rich kids frolic, gossip, backstab, cheat, and otherwise meander through life, all while muttering the words “drama,” "dunzo," and “random” under the California sun.

You left me mystified by—yet hooked on watching—the Laguna style of going on a date, which amounts to little more than talking on one’s cell phone while your date pretends not to notice, sipping your water through a black straw, then suddenly saying, ‘’want to leave?’’ MTV, you had me wondering who in the world always goes to a restaurant, café, coffee shop, or friend’s kitchen to talk about the days’ events, yet I loved every time the kids got together to talk about the day’s events.

I was engrossed in spring breaks in Cabo, ski trips to wherever the hell the kids went, proms with overpriced giant-hole-over-the-midriff dresses , girls wearing jean skirts to special events, and model queens who moved to Laguna just to be on the show. Why, I even cared about the sidekicks; you know, like Alex H. or "Stephen's friend" Dieter.

I loved how your camaras were quickly on someone as they got a phone call. You wanted me to think that the cameraman was filming Lo as she sunbathed, and luckily caught the moment that LC called about the par-tay. Please, I know you filmed that scene 5 times, but I didn't care. And speaking of parties, I always laughed a little when the kids would take drinks from red dixie cups...what, did you really want me to think they were drinking water? Yeah, Alex M. and Jessica had thier blow-out verbal tougne-lashing fight because they were drunk off of the H2O.

And despite knowing all of it's faults, despite knowing that I really shouldn’t care about this mind-numbing drivel you created, dammit, I did care. And I really have no idea why I cared. I guess you just have that magic MTV.

But after you get me hooked, you give me the sugar-laced crack otherwise known as season 3. Season 3 is horrid; it’s the same formula, only with a pinch of pure torture. The girls are just plain mean, plus being over-mascaraed and over-taned. Plus, the guys are clueless and the boring protagonist has a voice that makes my eardrums bleed. And I want to smack the kids' parents for naming thier offspring "Kyndra", "Cami", and "Raquel".

The addiction may be over. Why did you do this? You're pure evil, MTV; evil.

With much hatred,

Warren not “G”


(oh, and readers, if you even think of chastising me for posting about “Laguna Beach,” save it; I’m quite aware of my dork status.)

President say what?

Transcript from the Presidential press conference, August 21, 2006:
QUESTION: What did Iraq have to do with it?
BUSH: What did Iraq have to do with what?
QUESTION: The attack on the World Trade Center.
BUSH: Nothing. Except it’s part of — and nobody has suggested in this administration that Saddam Hussein ordered the attack. Iraq was a — Iraq — the lesson of September 11th is take threats before they fully materialize, Ken. Nobody’s ever suggested that the attacks of September the 11th were ordered by Iraq.

Presidential Letter to the House and Senate, March 18, 2003:
Consistent with section 3(b) of the Authorization for Use of Military Force Against Iraq Resolution of 2002 (Public Law 107-243), and based on information available to me, including that in the enclosed document, I determine that:
…
(2) acting pursuant to the Constitution and Public Law 107-243 is consistent with the United States and other countries continuing to take the necessary actions against international terrorists and terrorist organizations, including those nations, organizations, or persons who planned, authorized, committed, or aided the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11, 2001.
Sincerely,
GEORGE W. BUSH


Anyone else’s head about to implode from trying to understand this 180 degree reversal that amounts to a bold-faced Presidential self-contradiction? Well, when 61% of Americans now oppose the war, I doubt I’m the only one just a little bit confused.

Of course, with the one-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina fast approaching, George W. should get in the habit of explaining missteps, mistakes, and unfulfilled promises.

Geez, sometimes he makes it too easy to be a Democrat.

Breaking News

The progress has progressed: Warren got smooches, some making out, some hot lip (and tongue) boy action. Finally.

This concludes our news break; you may now return to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress.

#37

Who, prey tell, is 37th highest ranked liberal arts school in the nation, according to the Washington Monthly? Oh, that's right, Furman! And I know, 37 isn't that high, but let's consider:

1. Furman is in Traveler's Rest, SC; the fact that we achieve any form of superior education in a state as backwards (yet lovable) as that is an achievement all by itself.

2. Washington and Lee is 39, Vassar is 42, Colby is 49, Davidson is 57 (really?), St. Lawrence is 102.

3. Seriously, who has heard of 90% of the schools below #100?

I'm not going to lie, I'm damn proud of that 37. Keep it up Furman, you may continue to make my diploma even more valuable, I don't mind.



Thanks to Aaron for giving me the heads up.

Stupid Politics

The recent legislation to increase the minimum wage has died. Why? Because the Senate Republicans attached it to a decrease in their oh-so-precious estate tax, and Senate Democrats were petty enough to kill the bill just to prevent the Republicans from having a victory right before the November elections.

And what about the minimum wage worker who couldn’t care less, one way or the other, if the rich folks are paying less taxes for their estates? Apparently, no one cares.

Stupid politics. Looks like my hopes that the Congressional Democrats may actually do something significant (you know, besides whine, complain, and forget to actually serve the American people) were premature—if not misplaced.

20 questions

So, that Mel Gibson cartoon got me thinking:

Whatever happened to the two Israeli soldiers?

Their being kidnapping sparked this melee, but has Israel demanded for the soldiers’ safe return? Has Hezbollah even admitted to having the soldiers in their custody in the first place?

Have the soldiers been killed, or are they alive?

Has the Israeli government told the soliders' families that their son/husband/father was one of the ones who was kidnapped? If so, why have no relatives entered onto the world stage to plead for the soldiers’ lives and safe return?

Are the Israeli attacks endangering the lives of the soldiers being held in Hezbollah territory?

What are the soldiers’ names?


Hmm, guess people are too busy bombing to ask. That, or something is rotten in the state of Israel....

I like editorial cartoons

this one is humorous, yet sad


















um, ditto

For your viewing pleasure, I give you "Apocalypse Pony"

Ahhh, jokes that rely on one's birth being sometime after 1981, and one's familiarity with the story of the Endtimes, are hilarious.

I'm fat? And Lance is gay.

While there have been a number of blog postings here at Missing Lunchbox in the recent past, I realize that there has been a dearth of posts about my personal life. I could just say that in light of the current world events, discussing my personal trials and tribulations would seem inappropriate. But nah, really it’s just that life has been going pretty smoothly. In the near future I may post about my “trials and tribulations” with finding a new church—once I find a new church.

But, let me tell you about this: We had a “health fair” today at work. You know, one of those things where you get all your vitals checked so you can see just how amazing it is that you’re still breathing, while having ungodly fit people tell you to stop eating cookies and go with cauliflower. Well, my blood pressure, glucose level, cholesterol, and skin health were all excellent (go me!). However, according to one of those lovely little BMI machines, I’m overweight.

OVERWEIGHT? Are you kidding me, please, look at me:

Yeah, total lard ass right there.
Geez, how do I fit through my door in the morning?

To her credit, the girl at the BMI station did warn me to take the results “with a grain of salt” as they are not always accurate. Um, ya think?


Oh, and in completely non-Warren news, Lance Bass of N*Sync fame came out of the closet today.



Congrats, Lance, on being added to the out and proud list…and for having a freaking hot boyfriend (and we're talking hott).

Funny, yet true...

HAHA


(By the way, who else is glad that Americans no longer have to pay the State Dept. $3000 to be evacuated from Lebanon?

And who else is mystified as to why we're going to wait a week to send Condoleezza to the region for some diplomacy? Looks like we’re going to wait for Israel to decimate Lebanon, kill untold number of civilians, ignore international condemnations, fracture itself from the rest of civilized world, and royally piss off the Arab community, all in the name of toppling Hezbollah, BEFORE we intervene. Sounds like a great idea, huh?)

Let's take a break with Beyoncé...

Beyonce "DeJa Vu"

Right now seems like a pretty good time to forget about the world’s troubles, sit back and enjoy the R&B siren du jour’s newest summer hit...

World Unhinged?

So, let’s review:

1.Iran is spitting in the face of geopolitical pressure by continuing it’s progression towards nuclear power. While they report to having only the purest of intentions (i.e. nuclear power plants for energy), the more likely objective of possessing WMD is as transparent as it is scary.

2.North Korea is firing rockets like it is freaking New Year’s Eve, except this event is less celebratory and more self-aggrandizing. And while these rockets spend more time falling haphazardly from the sky than they do actually working, they are certainly much better rockets than the ones North Korea didn’t have six years ago. While there is no way North Korea will be able to strike the US mainland any time soon, I’d be quite nervous if I were in South Korea or Japan right now.

3.And, good ol' Israel seems to want to bomb Lebanon into extinction. Don’t get me wrong, when two of its soldiers are kidnapped by Hezbollah, Israel has every right to respond forcefully; but Israel’s response is completely disproportionate to the crime. To put into perspective, the bombing of Beirut is reminiscent of the U.S. attack against Afghanistan, but that was in response to the September 11th attacks—that response was proportionate.

This over-the-top response is clearly not just about the two Israel soldiers; it is also about Israel not sitting idly by while its neighbors call for the death of Israel. This is about a people who believe that God chose this land for his people to settle and live, and the Israelis are not about to disobey God’s wishes. This is about a people who escaped slavery, wandered the desert, saw their temple burned (twice), spent about 1800 years in diaspora, were vilified for causing the death of Jesus, and then were systemically tortured, killed, and almost eradicated by the Nazis. I think that in the end, the bombing of Lebanon is Israel declaring that they “ain’t taking shit from anyone anymore”.

The problem is that a good chunk of the Arab world still wants to give them shit. These particular Arabs sees the presence of Israel, and all western influence in the Middle East, as an affront to Muslim sovereignty and dominion over the Middle East. But, the problem is even more basic than that: Israel is bombing Lebanon, with whom Syria and Iran are aligned. Hell, the entire region will be aligned with Lebanon if this bombing campaign continues much longer. And so here goes Israel and Hezbollah, about to plunge the Middle East into chaos unimaginable.

Can we call this a powderkeg? Sure. The perfect strom? Maybe. World War III? Well, that’d require at least two world powers facing each other from opposing sides (and I fear that an Iranian/North Korean alliance equates to one world power).

Now, can the current volatile state of the world be blamed solely on George W. Bush? Certainly not; the roots of this problem stretch back…well, centuries if you want to get technical. However, it still remains that U.S. military attention and force is bogged down in a quagmire caused by a misguided attempt to find WMD that we had no proof existed before the war, and found did not exist once we got there, while getting the added bonus of toppling a dictator whose strength and influence barely existed outside his nation’s border. The fact that we are "bogged down" presents the question: if diplomacy doesn’t work, does the U.S. have the ability to have a viable or realistic method to bring these three abovementioned situations under control?

In addition, as we all know, there a number of world issues that could benefit from the attention of the most powerful and richest nation in the world: the ozone layer is gradually become little more than an ozone screen, the US gulf coast seems to be just as unprepared for this hurricane season as it was for the last one; the starving and genocide in the Sudan continues unabated; and the might of the US military may soon be needed to bring two rouge nation-states in line while at the same time extinguishing the volatile Israeli/Lebanonese situation. However, the United States has no choice but to continue to commit itself to being the buttress holding up the wobbly Iraqi government—for an undetermined length of time I might add.

And somehow, despite the fact that the world is flirting with coming completely unhinged, I remain strangely optimistic that humanity will make it through. Perhaps this is because, from WWI to WWII, from Hiroshima to the Cuban Missile Crisis, from the Cold War to India/Pakistan, it still hasn’t happen.

Here’s hoping that our luck doesn’t run out.

In remembrance

Because I fear that we're beginning to forget...

progress

I met a guy through a friend over the weekend. This guy, who is gay, and I had fun hanging out with our mutual friend Jon, but I didn't think much of it...until this IM conversation:

[his IM name]: fyi i thought you were damn cute
[his IM name]: *blush*

Hey, it's progress, I'll take it. And although he lives in Winston-Salem NC, there was the exchanging of cell numbers, so we'll see...

When did the Democrats get a backbone?

The Democratic Party has been all but neutered since...um...John Kerry's run for president? The Republican "Contract with America"? Jimmy Carter? Lyndon B. Johnson's lack of a second-term? Yeah, that one.

But, in the past two days, two separate events have rocked this liberal's socks off:

1) (First, a little background) The Federal minimum wage has remained at $5.15 since 1998. In contrast, the US Congress has raised its salary from $136,700 to $162,100 between 1998 and 2005. That's an increase of $25,400 over seven years (or an increase of about $3,628 each year)

So, the minimum wage worker hasn't seen a pay increase in almost a decade, but the Congressperson has seen a substantial pay increase during the same time period. Now the Democrats deserve some blame for the anemic minimum wage, but who has been in control of Congress for all that time period--and the White House for most of it--the Republicans of course.

That is why I'm so proud to see that Senate Democrats want to raise the minimum wage to $7.25, while simultaneously blocking a Congressional salary increase. Is it possible that the Democratic Party, who stills holds just a minority in Congress, may actually stand up and do something substantial and worthwhile for the nation? Oh God, please say it's so.

(I’ll refrain from debating which is better: giving tax-breaks to rich and expecting the benefits to “trickle-down” to the lower-income individuals, or giving more money to the lower-income individuals, who will in turn pump money into the US retail economy. If you want to have that discussion, email me)

2) You may remember that back in March, Senator Russ Feingold introduced a resolution to censure President Bush, based on the President's controversial wiretapping program that some consider to be circumventing the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. I must say, the concept of any politician speaking his mind by proposing legislation that will probably go nowhere, simply because that politician wholeheartedly believes that the said legislation needs to be proposed, is politically incredible. The concept of that politician being one of the current incarnations of Congressional Democrats is all but astonishing.

Well, Senator Feingold continued to be a politically rarity when, on this past Sunday NBC's "Meet the Press," he once again spoke his mind. He discussed, with veracity, honesty, intelligence, and eloquence on subjects such as the Iraq war, potential troop withdrawals, whether the war has made America safer, and defending himself against Vice-President Cheney's perennial charge that anti-Iraq sentiment boils down to "cut-and-run" and other hot-button issues.

I'll let the man speak for himself:


Russ Feingold on MTP June 25, 2006

russ feingold


While I don't agree with every word Senator Feingold said, it is clear that he's not regurgitating some pre-approved Democratic talking points; he's talking from the hip. If the Senator Feingold keeps saying what he means, and meaning what he says, I may just weep for joy.

Supporting a minimum wage increase AND Democrats speaking their mind; Democratic Party, are you revived?

Ahhh! Real Monsters!

Congrats to Nicole Kidman for marrying the (non-psycho, non-couch-jumping, non-homosexual, non-closet-case, non-Scientology drone) country crooner Keith Urban. Congrats to Keith Urban for being about the luckest man on the planet.

With that being said, forget Nancy Pelosi, Nicole Kidman's over-botoxed dad scares the ever-loving beJesus outta me. Ahhhh.

click at your own peril.

(He reminds me of that guy in "Hannibal" who was in the wheel chair and got eaten by the warthogs. Freaky.)

Yeah, right

These guys were plotting a terriorist attack against the Sears Tower?




Please, they look like rejects from the rap group Bone-Thugs-n-Harmony. And they asked for boots, uniforms, machine guns, radios, vehicles, bulletproof vests and $50,000 in cash from al Qaeda to wage their proposed jihad against the U.S. That's not a very good jihad-waging list; but wow, they would have been the most strapped guys on the block. And $50,000 can buy lots of pot, which it appears that these fellows enjoy.

Oh, and the guy they were requesting their supplies from wasn't from al Qaeda; he was from the FBI.

Terrorism should never be funny, but damn this is just hilarious. Idiots.

Nothing could be finer than to be in CAROLINA in the morning

Carolina Hurricanes: Stanley Cup Champs, 2006.
Hells Yeah!!