Homosexual Repellent

Let me first say that I have wanted to comment on the Dubai Port deal, the resulting Republican Congressional revolt against The White House, and the enervated President for some time. However, the whole situation changes every day. Thus, I’m going to wait until the situation seems relatively resolved…then see if I still care.

Now, to the post proper:

Today was another beautiful, spring-like day that just screamed for me to spend some time outside. So, I headed over to Caffé Driade, which is a lovely, intimate, locally-owned coffee shop with great outdoor sitting areas and an open-air interior.

Upon arrival, I walked up to make my drink order and was greeted by a tattoo-covered, funky hair, slightly emaciated male employee. Now, Tattoo-guy (as he shall hereafter be called) was obviously gay, but if you know me, I go for preppy guys. Thus, I was fairly indifferent about interacting with the first gay guy that I’ve come across since…um…forever.

So, I got my drink, and sat down to begin studying the GRE. After about an hour, when I finally began to actually understand percentages, a guy dressed like a Banana Republic model walked into the shop. His excellent wardrobe, 4 o’clock shadow, and general attractiveness peaked my interest. “Hmmm,” I thought, “this could be promising.” So I turned on my game of…trying to make eye contact, because if you recall, that’s my only game (sigh).

However, a few seconds after I spotted Banana Republic-guy (hereafter, that’ll be his name), he and his female friend left the shop. I shrugged off my missed opportunity and continued my studying. Then, I turned to my right and saw Banana Republic-guy waiting in line. I awkwardly contorted myself to try to see if he was looking even remotely in my direction, but alas, he did not seem to notice me.

So, when Banana Republic-guy is next in line, Tattoo-guy asks how he can help him. To this, Banana Republic-guy hands Tattoo-guy a card and says, “I wanted you to have my number.” HIS NUMBER! Banana Republic-guy just hit on Tattoo-guy. I. Am. Shocked.

Now, I know different people have different taste, but what the hell? How did I get overlooked for Tattoo-guy. When did someone spray me with homosexual repellent?

To add insult to injury, once Banana Republic-guy left, Tattoo-guy got all gitty. In fact, despite the fact that he apparently just got into a new relationship two weeks ago, he couldn't help but tell all his friends at the coffee shop what just happen-which meant that I had to hear the story repeated. A lot. I mean, really, Tattoo-guy (who's in a relationship) gets hit on, and I (single and preppy) don't? Once again, I throw up my hands in defeat.

Related to this disheartening episode (and in case you were wondering) according the mutual friends, Sam is not gay, I haven’t seen John since that night, and Patrick never called me back. In addition, gay internet connection sites have produced nothing except for one particularly self-centered jerk. I’m sorry to say that today did not help elevate my frustration and hopelessness on the issue of finding a mate anytime this decade. (sigh, again.)

But, on a funny-and purely inconsequential-note, apparently my blog has spawned another blog. I guess this makes Nick’s blog a grandfather.